


No Other Shade of Blue But You | Draco Malfoy

by lestrangetime



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Album: folklore (Taylor Swift), Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Swearing, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lestrangetime/pseuds/lestrangetime
Summary: You and Draco have been best friends since childhood, your bond strong, albeit odd. In your sixth year, the two of you navigate complicated feelings and the implications of a war that threatens to tear all you have apart. | A mini-series inspired by lyrics from Taylor Swift’s “folklore.”
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	1. PART 1

“Mum, I don’t think I can do it,” the words breathlessly escaped your mouth as you pushed your luggage cart along the platform at Kings’ Cross. “I don’t think I can go back. I know I’m going to get on the train and have to walk right past him, and I just don’t think I can bear it.”

“Love, you’ll be just fine,” your mother assured you and pulled you in for one last hug. “Just remember what I told you, alright?” 

You nodded, giving her hand a tight squeeze as she wished you goodbye. Stepping on the train, you took a deep breath, held your head up high, and made your way down the aisle. You saw a few familiar faces that gave you a friendly wave. I’ll be fine, you decide. I am doing fine. You hoped you were right. 

But then your breath got caught in the back of your throat as you locked eyes with the one person you were simultaneously longing and dreading to see again: Draco Malfoy. He looked different this year; older, more solemn - his platinum hair was a little tamer, his eyes that once shone so brightly with youth, darker and stormier. Time felt like it slowed to a complete pause as you made your way past him; the two of you never breaking eye contact, and the air filled with the tension of a million things left unsaid. You expected a glare from him filled with hatred, but were met instead with a gaze full of sorrow and longing. You wished you knew the right words to say. You wished you knew what he thought. But even after all this time, you still couldn’t read his mind. 

It felt like an eternity, but you finally made it to an empty carriage near the back of the train. You dropped your stuff, pulled down the shade, and curled up against the window. And all the bitter memories came rushing back.

***

*A few months earlier* 

You’d spent the entire summer in a state of numbness, playing the last conversation you had with Draco over and over again, on repeat, inside your head. It made you feel sick to your stomach and you were wracked with guilt as you came to realize that you’d thrown away fifteen years of friendship without a second thought. 

The end of fifth year left you exhausted, confused, angry, and heartbroken. It was one thing to have to suffer under Umbridge’s reign, but that wasn’t even the worst part about it. At the beginning of first term, Draco was appointed as a Slytherin Prefect, alongside Pansy Parkinson. Draco and you had always been an inseparable, albeit odd, pairing at Hogwarts, but your friendship always worked. There was no second guessing: no wondering if you’d have a partner in class, no eating lunch alone, no spending Friday nights by yourself. Draco was always a lot to deal with, but you grew accustomed to it over the years. Come to think about it, you balanced each other perfectly. He was loud and brash; you were easy going and considerate. You knew what he needed when his father’s expectations inundated him; he knew best how to bring you back down to earth when your temper got the best of you. 

But somewhere it had all started to turn sour, and the two of you drifted apart. He started spending more time with Pansy, and eventually became the leader of Umbridge’s Inquisitorial Squad -- no doubt to impress his father with Umbridge’s blatant favoritism. It was hard to pretend that it didn’t hurt seeing your best friend become an insufferable little prat -- even more than he already was sometimes. 

Your friendship became even more strained when you told him that you’d joined Dumbledore’s Army. 

“I can’t believe you’re on Potter’s side now, of all people!” He exclaimed, a look of disgust plastered across his face.

“Why do you suddenly care about what I do? You’ve been up Umbridge’s arse all year, treating everyone else like they’re nothing, including me!” You seethed, the anger and alienation you’d felt for most of the year bubbling to the top. You were ready to erupt. 

“Whatever,” he huffed, crossing his arms in defense.

“Whatever? Draco, I know things are happening. I know that the rumours about You-Know-Who aren’t just rumours, okay? I want to be able to protect myself,” you explained. 

“What about me? Don’t you think I can protect you anymore?” 

“I’m not a kid. I’m not a baby. I don’t need you to protect me,” you hissed. “Not that you’ve even tried at all.” 

Draco was quiet and you’d hit a breaking point. “Maybe this just isn’t working for us anymore,” you continued, letting your anger speak for you.

His brow furled across his forehead, “What do you mean?”

“I’ve had to watch you from the sidelines all year. I can’t talk to you like I used to. You’re my best friend, Draco, but you’ve changed. And I don’t know if I like the person you’re becoming.” The last sentence came out in a near-whisper. 

“Fine, then.”

“Is that really all you have to say?” You asked, narrowing your eyes.

“Just forget about it all, Y/N,” he bit back, but you could see the hurt painted across his face. Still, he just turned his back to you and walked away.  
***  
Your last conversation and Draco’s devastated expression were etched into your brain. It was all you could think about. It was weird, not being friends anymore. You had so much left over information about him stuck in your brain - his birthday, his favorite flavor of ice cream, his worst nightmares, his biggest dreams, things only you knew. But now it all just felt so useless. 

You found yourself pouring your heart out to your mother one night. She and Narcissa were old friends at Hogwarts and the two of them watched Draco and you grow up alongside each other; you knew she’d understand. 

“Why does no one ever talk about how friend breakups hurt so much more than breaking up a boyfriend does?” You pondered one night. Your mother silently listened and stroked your hair as you processed things. “I wish I could go back and stop myself.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty for standing up for yourself,” your mother offered. “But your friendship has always been stronger than you give it credit for. I think the two of you can find a way back to each other.”

You considered her words carefully. “Thanks, Mum, maybe you’re right. But what if he doesn’t want anything to do with me?”

She smirked, and let out a small chuckle. “Do you really think he’d give up fifteen years of friendship so easily?”

You spent the rest of my summer taking long walks in the meadow behind your house. You would pack a lunch and lay by the water for hours, listening to the soft babble of the creek while you thought. Your mind often wandered to Draco, and all of the memories you shared.

Childhood is painted in a golden hue, sparkling with hope and bursting with love. For fifteen years, Draco and you grew up side by side, your roots long and intertwined. Summer days were spent fearlessly running through the tall green grass, screaming ferociously, as the two of you conquered the forest surrounding Malfoy Manor. Some days you played as pirates, and ventured off on a long quest to find the treasure you just knew was buried in your backyard. Your mother would call you in after a few hours and feed you clementines and apple slices. The two of you gobbled them down and would continue your hunt until the sun went down. On cold, rainy days, you found solace indoors, under the protection of blanket forts where you whispered your secrets and discussed your dreams in hushed tones.

Draco and you were both naturally competitive, so it was only time before one of you broke a bone. One day you came across the biggest tree you could find in the forest behind his house and made your way up the long branches. “Last one to the top has to buy the winner a lifetime supply of chocolate frogs!” Draco yelled with excitement. 

“You’re on!” you shouted. Just as you were about to reach the branch above him, you lost your footing and fell straight to the ground. Draco’s eyes were so wide with fear that you thought they were going to pop out of his head.

“Y/N! Y/N! Please don’t be dead!” He scrambled down the tree. A look of worry was painted across his face as he approached you. 

You groaned as you clutched your arm. “Ugh, I’m not dead. But I do think my arm is broken…”

Draco took your one good hand in his, and helped you up. “You really scared me, you know that right? What would I have done if… if…” Draco let his thought trail off, not wanting to even consider the possibilities. You realized then that his fingers were still intertwined with yours, and your eyes met his soft gaze. Draco walked you back to his house, and brought you at least twenty chocolate frogs later on that day. He was the first one to sign your cast, and that night you dreamt about how it would feel to have his fingers interlocked with yours forever.  
***  
The next morning you were up early so you sat down at your desk and looked at the fresh piece of parchment you’d been trying to pour your heart into for days. You knew you would feel better if you wrote it all down, but you still didn’t know exactly how to express how you felt, or even what you felt, in words. You picked up your quill anyway, and started writing: "Dear Draco, I doubt I’ll ever send this, but I’ve been thinking about the last things we said to each other all summer…"

It all came pouring out of you then. Your script was messy and frantic looking and your hand was covered in ink once you were finished, but everything that was weighing on you was written down, right in front of your eyes. You read it over and over again, tears welling up in your eyes with each look over. You missed the “us”, your friendship -- him -- so much. You folded the parchment in half and wrote his name on it. Just as you were about to pull out your matches to burn it in a final effort to relish in the catharsis a bit longer, your mother called out from down stairs, “Y/N, I’m going to the shops. Do you want to join me?” 

“One second!” You yelled back, dropping your quill and the letter as you pulled on a pair of shoes. You wiped away the remainder of your tears with your sleeve and you were gone without a second thought.

***

Draco was startled back into reality when he heard a loud tap, tap, tap at his window. He shot up from his bed and saw a messenger owl -- your messenger owl -- perched on his windowsill with a piece of parchment between its beak. Odd, he thought. Why wasn’t it wrapped neatly with a string around its leg? Confused, Draco made his way over to open his window. Your owl dropped the parchment into his hands and promptly flew away, not even staying for a treat. Draco turned the parchment over and saw his name written across it in your messy script. Hesitantly, he opened it up to read:

"Dear Draco,  
I doubt I’ll ever send this, but I’ve been thinking about the last things we said to each other all summer, trying to put my feelings about it into words. Looking back, I don’t regret what I said to you, but I do wish I hadn’t left it the way I did. I still don’t fully understand how things unraveled, or why we started drifting apart. But to put it simply, I miss you. I miss staying up late with you, sharing dreams and fears, and talking about anything and everything. I miss you being the first person I told all of my good news to, and I miss you talking me through my bad days. I miss knowing everything that was going on with you and being a shoulder you could cry on when it all got to be too much. 

But I don’t miss you shutting me out. I don’t miss your superiority complex and the Prefect power going to your head. I don’t miss hearing Pansy’s scathing words about me and seeing you brushing them off like they meant nothing. Like I was nothing. 

Above it all though, I miss having a best friend. You know me better than anyone does. In a way, you made me who I am. You were the one constant in my life, and it hurts like hell that we haven’t talked since our fight. Regardless of where we go from here, I think a little part of me will always wish it was you next to me. No one can compare to you. I can only hope you miss me too. 

Love always, Y/N."

By the time Draco got to the end of your letter, soft sobs escaped his mouth. Of course he missed you; he misses you more than anything and it’s killing him that you’re not around. No one has ever made him feel as comfortable as you did. No one has ever won his trust like you did. 

He had done nothing but repeat last term’s fight again and again in his head, practicing the ways he would apologize for his behavior last year. He had no one to blame but himself. And after everything that happened over the summer, he wasn’t sure if he could apologize, even if he desperately wanted to. 

Because now that his father was in Azkaban and he’d been forced to take the Dark Mark, he knew that you’d be safer the further you were away from him.


	2. PART 2

*Present day* 

On the first day of Potions class, you waited anxiously for Draco to step foot into the dark, musty classroom. Out of all your classes, this one was the first you knew you’d have together. Usually you’d have gotten to class early to snag an empty table just for you and Draco, but things were different now. You took a seat near the back of the classroom, next to Padma and took a deep breath. 

He slipped in the door at the last second and you watched him as he took the seat next to Pansy, at the table to the right of yours. You shifted uncomfortably on your stool, all too aware of his presence. You were unsure if you should acknowledge him; you hadn’t seen him since you passed him briefly on the train. But just as you were about to open your mouth, Slughorn began the class. You stole a glance and saw Draco cross his arms on the table and stare blankly ahead.

The next few weeks of classes flew by, and you busied yourself with your work. Finally, the first Quidditch match of the season rolled around. Slytherin were playing Ravenclaw and even though Draco and you weren’t speaking, you were still excited to be there to cheer him on. You knew how much he loved the sport and it had always warmed your heart to see the pure elation plastered on his face when he caught the Snitch. 

After pulling on a jumper and bundling up with your house scarf, you made your way to the Quidditch pitch with Padma and a few other Ravenclaws in your year. As the match began, you all stood and cheered on the playing teams. You searched the pitch for the platinum blond, but couldn’t place an eye on him. You turned towards Padma, eyes still glued to the field, and asked, “Hey, have you seen Draco anywhere on the field?”

Padma furrowed her brow, “Oh, you haven’t heard? Draco quit the team.” 

Draco quit the team? Since when? You knew how much solace he found in the sport throughout the school year -- you couldn’t believe it. 

“Do you know why?” you asked.

“Nope,” she said. “I heard he didn’t really give an excuse for quitting either. I’m surprised you didn’t know.”

“Well, Draco and I are exactly on speaking terms right now,” you replied. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t realize,” Padma says, with a sorrowful look on her face, and the two of you lower into your seats. 

You hadn’t talked to anyone besides your mother about what happened with Draco, but it all came pouring out to Padma in the Quidditch stands. Talking about it with your mother, over the summer, was so much different; you were away from it all, safe inside your childhood bedroom. But being here, it was more tangible. It made the ache in your heart that much deeper. 

Padma consoled you on the benches, and you ended up leaving before the match was even halfway over. When you got back to the castle, it was still quite early in the day, but eerily quiet. 

You decided now would be a productive time to get some of your homework done, so you grabbed your books from your dormitory and made your way to the library. On the way, you heard soft sobs coming from somewhere, and as you made your way further down the corridor, the sounds of crying grew louder. Coming to what looked like a storage closet, you pressed an ear to the door and confirmed the source of the cries. Hesitantly, you placed a hand on the knob and slowly opened the door. 

Peeking your head in, you saw Draco, curled up on the floor, arms hugging his legs. He looked paler than usual, and his entire body was shaking. He was crying to the point of hyperventilation and instantly, you were filled with worry. 

You entered the closet, closing the door quietly behind you and knelt down on the ground next to him. 

“Draco, it’s me,” you said softly, calmly. “Are you having a panic attack? Do you want me to stay with you?” He doesn’t say anything, only nods his head. 

You sunk to the floor next to him, and pressed your hand to his arm and pulled him into a gentle embrace. 

“It’s going to be okay; you’re going to be okay,” you told him. “I’m here for you, this is going to pass,” you rubbed circles into his back to try to calm him down. 

“Hey, try breathing with me. Take a deep breath in….. Then out. In….. and out.” He tried to match his breathing with yours, and after a few rounds of the breathing exercise, his breathing slowed to normal and you could feel his body relax. You’d never seen him this upset before and it hurt you, too, to see him like this. You wanted to make whoever or whatever did this to him pay. 

Your hand found his and gave it a squeeze. He lowered his head onto your shoulder and you sat with him in silence, only the sounds of your breathing filled the air. You don’t know how much time has passed when you ask, almost in a whisper, “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

Draco pushes himself up and wipes away the remainder of his tears. He looks tired, worn down. An expression of concern is painted across your face. “It’s just… all too much,” he croaked. 

“What is?”

Draco doesn’t answer, instead his eyes dart to the floor. You decided not to pry; it’s not like you had the right to anyway. Instead, you reached over and intertwined your fingers with his, allowing that small action to speak for you. 

“You don’t have to tell me, but I’m here for you if you need me,” you said, and stood up. You extended a hand to him and helped to pull him to his feet. 

“Y/N,” he exhaled. “I know things haven’t exactly been the same between us, as they were before, but thank you,” the look in his eyes was sincere and apologetic. 

In an instant, your eyes were filled with tears. You were tired of holding back from him the remorse I felt. “I’m so sorry, Draco. I never should have left things the way I did.” 

“No, Y/N, I should be the one apologizing here. You deserved better than me.”

“You know that’s not true. You’re the best, you’re my best,” you assured him. 

At that, you saw him smile for the first time all year. All at once, you wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. He leaned in and you felt him press a soft kiss to the top of my head, the lingering feeling of it burning on your skin.

“I missed you so much,” you confessed into his chest. 

“I missed you. I dreamt of this all summer long,” he gushed, bringing a hand up to your cheek to wipe the tears away from your eyes. 

You spent the rest of the day with Draco, together in the library. You didn’t talk much, but you didn’t need to. Draco and you fell right back into the comfortable silence you’d shared for most of your lives, full of soft smiles and knowing looks. The two of you spoke a secret language that no one else could understand. 

***

As much as he knew he should have stayed away, Draco couldn’t help it. Thinking back to your words in the letter addressed to him, he was reminded that you were his one constant, too. Your actions from today reminded him that no one had ever cared for him like you do. If he was going to make it through this year, he knew he needed you.

When he returned to his Prefect room that evening, he was beaming. After spending the afternoon in the library, he felt different, lighter. He felt normal. 

Draco had grown accustomed to a dreamless sleep, suffering from insomnia most nights since he’d taken the Dark Mark. But for the first time in what felt like forever, tonight Draco slept, and Draco dreamt -- of you. 

***

You made progress on your potions with Padma as the weeks went by, realizing that the two of you worked well in a pair. And maybe it was just you, but now that Draco and you were friends again, the class felt lighter. You felt more focused now that the tension you felt sitting near Draco had dissipated. 

Slughorn entered the class one day with a smirk on his face. “Today class,” he boasts, “We will learn to make the most powerful love potion in existence: Amortentia.” A few gasps and groans escaped the mouths of a few of your classmates.

“Amortentia smells different to each person, depending on what they’re attracted to,” he continued. “You’ll be working with the person sitting next to you, so maybe you’ll find out something new about them.”

Padma turned to you and grinned, then headed off to grab a cauldron, while you went over to gather the ingredients. You carefully selected everything you needed for the potion, and while you were walking back to your seat, you passed a smiling Draco, and his fingers brushed yours momentarily. At the contact, you felt your face heat up and a thought passed through your mind: Why did it feel like electricity was flowing through me? Quickly, you pushed it aside.

Once you return to your table, Padma was already bringing the water to a boil. “What was that all about?” She chirped. 

“What was what all about?” you asked, not looking her in the eye. Instead, you directed your attention to the ingredients you were preparing. 

“You and Draco, Y/N. I literally just witnessed you turn as red as Neville does in front of Snape. Seriously, what was that?!” She pressed.

“It was nothing. I mean, we’re friends again, but that’s all. Maybe you need your eyes checked,” you replied, surprising yourself with how defensive you’d gotten. 

“Whatever you say, Y/N,” Padma said with a smirk. You rolled my eyes at the conversation, and we continued working, in silence. 

“I think the potion looks ready,” you observed, a few moments later, as a mother-of-pearl sheen became apparent at its surface. 

“You go first!” Padma beamed with excitement. “This will be interesting. I’ve always wondered what goes on in that big brain of yours.” 

You leaned into the cauldron to smell the potion, unsure of what would come from it. But you could smell nothing besides Draco’s cologne that wafted over from the table beside you.

***

Draco was silent as he and Pansy waited for their potion to finish brewing, not very interested in holding a conversation with her. He so badly wished he was partnered with you. Sitting near you in class didn’t make suffering through Pansy’s droning any easier, and overhearing Padma’s enthusiasm to hear your Amortentia results made it even harder. So against his better judgement, he listened in. 

“What do you smell?” Padma asked you. She was bouncing in her seat with excitement, and Draco was certain she was going to take off at any given moment. 

“Um,” you started, and he could hear annoyance in your voice. “I don’t smell anything. I think we might have done this wrong.”

Draco’s head shot up, brows furrowed. You never got it wrong; you were nearly as good at Potions as he was. 

Pansy interrupted his train of thought when she announced it was ready. 

“You can go first, Draco,” she offered, smiling up at him. 

“Uh, okay,” Draco leans in, closes his eyes, and inhales. “I smell old books, clementines… and sugar cookies.” He wasn’t surprised by his results, but Draco didn’t dare shift his eyes from the cauldron to you; he knew he would immediately be exposed if he did. Pansy would have spread the news to the entire school before lunch.

“Well, well,” Pansy smirked. “So it appears Malfoy has feelings after all!”

Draco rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Oh, shut it, Parkinson.”

Draco doesn’t stay focused long enough to hear Pansy’s cauldron results. Instead, his mind drifted off. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he recalled the memory from a few years ago associated with one of the scents he smelled drift into the air from his Amortentia potion. 

You and your mother were attending the Malfoys’ annual garden party two summers ago. Draco had been gone, away from the party, longer than usual. You didn’t want him to miss dessert, so you grabbed two sugar cookies and decided to go inside to look for him. As you turned a corner, you stopped dead in your tracks. You could hear Lucius yelling at Draco, berating him for something; you couldn’t tell what. Before Draco made a beeline for his room, you caught up to him and saw that he was red in the face, his bright grey eyes brimming with tears. 

The two of you spent the rest of the party laying side by side on Draco’s bed looking at the stars that were magically configured on the ceiling of his bedroom.

“I brought you a cookie,” you offered it to him.

“Thanks,” he muttered, as he took a bite out of it.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “I didn’t hear everything, but it didn’t sound good.”

Draco hesitated, not sure exactly how he felt.

You press on, “Why does your dad say those mean things to you?”

“He just wants what’s best for me.”

“Hmm,” you rolled on your side to look at Draco, propping your head up with your arm. “I think your house is haunted.”

Draco turned his head to look at you. “What makes you think that?” 

“I’ve read that restless spirits can mess with your head. Your dad is alway mad, and that must be why.”

The two of you lay in silence while Draco considered what you’ve said. Finally, in nearly a whisper, he spoke, “I know he expects a lot from me. He’s always held me to a high standard. I just don’t want to disappoint him.” You watched as a tear fell down his cheek. Gently, you bring a finger to his face and wipe it away. Draco squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of the sugar cookies that still lingered on your hand. 

“You know, you don’t have to be the best for your dad if you don’t want to be. You’re already my best friend,” you told him with a wide grin crawling across your face.

And that was the first time he felt it. The first time his heart skipped a beat; the first time he actually felt those legendary butterflies flutter in his stomach. His face grew warm at the realization.

Draco turned his head, shifting his eyes back to the ceiling. He couldn’t look at you any longer, fearing that he might say something that would expose him; something dangerous, like "I love you."


	3. PART 3

“Please be sure to do the assigned reading before our next meeting. Class dismissed!” Professor McGonagall exclaimed. You collected your belongings and slung your bag over your shoulder as you joined the queue to exit the classroom. As soon as you stepped into the corridor, Draco was standing across the hall waiting for you. He was thumbing through a textbook, looking quite studious. You waited for a lull in the traffic of students making their way to their next classes, then waltzed up to him.

“Heyyy,” you said, positioning yourself in a way to block his view from the page.

He startled, but a grin grew across his face when he looked up from his book, “Hi.”

“What are you doing standing out here? Shouldn’t you be on your way to class?” You questioned.

“Well, I figured I’d wait and walk with you since it’s on my way, but I didn’t think you’d be out of class so soon,” he said, as he tucked his book into his bag. 

“Alriiiighty then. Let’s go!” You exclaimed, and fell into step beside Draco.

“I also wanted to ask you something,” he began. 

“Oh yeah? What is it?” 

“I recently realized there was something we haven’t done for a while,” Draco smirked. 

“What could that possibly be?” You asked.

“Would you like to go up to the Astronomy Tower tonight for some stargazing? I checked the skies this morning and it looks like we’re in for a clear night,” He proposed. 

You fake gasped, “Draco Malfoy, are you asking me on a date?” You teased. 

At that, Draco’s eyes grew wide in surprise and you watched as he turned a deep shade of pink. He began stammering, “Uh, I-I didn-”

“Draco, calm down. I’m only kidding,” you cut him off, giving his arm a playful punch. 

“I knew that, Y/N,” he rolls his eyes. As you approached his next class, he stopped and turned to face you. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later then?” 

“I’ll be there,” you replied, giving him a salute as you continued walking to your own class. 

The day dragged on now that you had something to look forward to. It had been so long since you’d seen Draco in his element underneath the night sky and you couldn’t wait to see him shine like the stars that the two of you were so fond of. You busied yourself with homework in the library for a while before dinner, then stopped by your dormitory to drop your things after another filling meal. Soon enough, you met Draco outside of his Slytherin Prefect room, but he wore a look of surprise when you approached. 

“Didn’t you bring a sweater? You do know that it's nearly December, right?” He asked. 

“You do know that you look cute when you’re confused, right?” You said mockingly, and he rolled his eyes at you in response. “Can I borrow one of yours?” You pleaded. “I really don’t want to walk all the way back to Ravenclaw Tower.” 

“Sure, just give me a second,” he said and retreated into his room. A few moments later, he returned and handed you his old Quidditch jumper. You took it from him, pulled it over your head, and adjusted it. Instantly, you were embraced with warmth and the lingering scent of Draco’s cologne surrounded the air around you. 

“Ready! And warm!” You exclaimed as you both set out for the Astronomy Tower. 

“It really is such a shame you’re a Ravenclaw,” Draco teased. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” 

“You just look really good in green, that’s all,” he said, his voice wavering just the slightest. Was Draco nervous? What for?

You gasped, feigning shock. “First you ask me on a date, and now you’re complimenting me? What has gotten into you today?!” 

“Merlin, Y/N. So I can’t spend time with my best friend and tell her I think she belongs in the best house there is at Hogwarts?” 

“I guess you get a pass, this one time,” you retorted with a laugh. 

Soon enough, you made it to the top. It was quiet as the two of you walked to one of the arches and leaned against the balcony. Draco and you had spent countless nights stargazing in your backyards or watching the stars twinkle around the ceiling in his childhood bedroom. It eventually became one of your favorite things, both at home and at Hogwarts. Standing beneath the stars, you felt an all-encompassing peace: the infinite universe before you. You felt like you could be anything. Draco felt the same, and even more so on days he’d had a particularly trying time with his father. Basking in the moonlight made everything else fade away. On top of that, Draco loved astronomy and he loved pointing out constellations. He had told you the myths behind each hundreds of times, but you could listen to him go on about them forever. 

Right now, Draco was pointing out Orion, deep into explaining how he ended up among the planets and the stars. You found yourself looking from the sky to Draco and realized how calm he looked just then, how peaceful. He looked more at ease than you’d seen him in months. You couldn’t help but admire how the moon was reflecting off of his pale skin, almost making it glow. He looked effervescent; he looked… beautiful. 

“Draco,” You whispered, not really wanting to interrupt him, but not being able to keep yourself from what you were about to ask him. “Are you okay?” 

He looked down at you, brow furrowed. “Like, right now? What d’ya mean?” he asked.

“I don’t know exactly,” I began. “I mean, I’ve noticed that you’ve just been kind of disengaged this year. You’re different… quieter, more withdrawn. Tonight’s the first time I’ve seen you look inspired all year.”

Draco sighed. I could tell he was silently debating something. “It’s just…” he started, an uncertainty in his voice. “It’s just all been so much since my father…” 

Of course it had to do with Lucius. You silently scold yourself; you should have known that him being thrown in Azkaban was taking its toll on Draco. Draco had always strived to be the best for his father, and now that Lucius wasn’t around… you couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard Draco was taking it. How could you be so oblivious?

“Oh, Draco, of course,” you hit my hand off of my forehead in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think…”

“It’s fine, Y/N. Don’t worry about it,” Draco said. 

“Well, you know you can talk to me about anything, right? You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“I know,” his expression softened. You wondered, was there something else he wasn’t telling me? “But right now I want to talk to you about the stars.” 

Draco fell right back into his Orion spiel and continued onto the next. The cold was starting to creep up on you and you so badly wished you’d worn a jacket. You felt a shiver course through your body, ending in teeth chattering. Without hesitation, and without taking his eyes off the night sky, Draco wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you into him. “I told you you should’ve dressed warmer, Y/N.” 

First, the warmth rushed to your cheeks -- were you blushing? Where did this feeling come from all of a sudden? Draco and you had hugged, cuddled, touched each other millions of times. But this was a new feeling. Why did he suddenly make you feel so nervous? 

Afraid of the butterflies that dared to flutter around in you stomach, you slipped out of his embrace. “I’m getting cold,” you said, still shielding your face from his. “And it’s late. I think I’m going to head back inside.” 

“I’ll walk you,” he offered. “The best part of being a Prefect is that Filch never questions why I’m in the halls after curfew, so you’ll be safe with me.” Safe with me. Oh god, what was this feeling?

“Thanks,” you chuckled. “What would I ever do without you?” You joked, trying to override the creeping feelings you felt with some humor. 

“Okay, enough with the sarcasm, or I’ll be happy to leave you to face the wrath of Mrs. Norris by yourself,” Draco warned. 

“Oh nooooooo! Not Mrs. Norris, Draco! She’ll eat me alive!” You wailed, which left the two of you clutching your sides with laughter. 

The two of you went back and forth all the way back to Ravenclaw Tower, where you said goodnight and parted ways. Once you were back into your dormitory, you felt like you were floating. You could still feel Draco’s touch burned into your skin where his fingers brushed your waist. This new feeling made your stomach turn. You wondered why you were feeling like this. It’s not like that was the first time Draco had ever touched you, but it felt like it was the first time he’d *really* touched you. 

You pulled your pajamas on, crawled into bed, and pulled the covers over your head. You shut your eyes, trying to force sleep and stop yourself from thinking about him. But the thoughts only flooded in. 

Your mind wandered to the time Draco took your hand in his and led you to dance during the Yule Ball. You remembered your eyes growing wide when he’d called you beautiful and your cheeks growing warm with every glance he stole. 

Then, your thoughts drifted to all the lazy summer days Draco let you read to him old Muggle books you snuck from your father’s old collection under the shade of the same tree which broke your arm years before.

You thought about every single note you passed to each other in class, or every word you didn’t need to speak. 

Your brain replayed the moment you let your jealousy get the best of you when you lashed out at him last term. You didn’t understand what you’d felt; so with feeling too much you tore to pieces what the two of you once had. But what was it that you felt? 

At that final though, you sprung up in bed. If anyone had seen you right now, they would have thought you’d just seen a ghost. Holy shit, you thought, I’m in love with Draco. I’m in love with Draco?! 

You fell back into my pillow and let out a deep sigh. How had you never seen the signs? What were you going to do about it? Nothing, you argued with yourself, I can’t do anything. There’s absolutely no way he’d ever feel the same way about me. Not when there are dozens of Slytherin girls he could choose from. 

You tried to force yourself to sleep once again. But then you realized you were still wearing Draco’s old Quidditch sweater and you groaned as the thoughts sent a wave of dread over you once again.

***

Draco and you spent nearly every day together leading up to the holiday break. You spent a Saturday in Hogsmeade soaking up the last trip to the Three Broomsticks until next term, taking turns buying rounds of butterbeer. On the walk back to the castle, he slung an arm around you and a fire burned so bright within you that you forgot about the biting cold that sent shivers down your spine. 

You both spent countless evenings in the library doing homework and studying together. He made you take hourly study breaks and you admired the softness of his features in the dim light as you raced each other down the stacks, careful to stay away from other students and avoid Madam Pince. 

You even convinced him to help you build a snowman in the courtyard after the first big snowstorm of the year, which he was only slightly embarrassed about. But seeing the smile grow on his face when he saw the finished product, slightly lopsided and wearing both of your House scarves, was worth all the hassle it took to get him outside. 

Every glance you stole, every brush of his fingers on yours, every slightly flirty comment Draco sent your way sent you spiraling. You had a lot of time to think about your feelings for him after your night of stargazing atop the Astronomy Tower, and as much as you longed for an explanation, one never came. He was the one person that knew you and understood you. Wasn’t that what love was all about, anyway; being seen and understood and known for who you really were? Eventually, you stopped wrestling with yourself over the feelings as you realized that it all came boiling down to one thing: loving Draco was inevitable. 

***

Once the holiday break came, even though you wouldn’t be seeing Draco as often, you were still excited to be home with your mother and finally be able to tell someone the one thing that had been weighing heavy on your chest for weeks. Usually that person would be Draco, but since he was the principal topic here, that was out of the question. You could’ve told Padma, but you knew she’d be obvious about it, especially in Potions class. So you decided to wait, wallow in your feelings for a while, and talk to your mother about it; she would give you the best advice, anyway. 

The evening you got home, you and your mother were both sitting on the couch in front of the fire. It was a particularly cold night, but you were cuddled under a blanket and you sipped on some warm apple cider. In the glow of the fire, you could feel your face warm at the thought of telling your mother about everything that happened this past term, ending with the big realization. But once you were no longer able to hold the thoughts in, they all came rushing out. It took a while to lay it all out for her, but once you were finished, your cider was cold and you felt breathless. 

Your mother’s expression remained the same throughout, though. She was totally unfazed. “I can’t tell you I’m surprised, Y/N,” she said. 

“What?! What do you mean?! It sure came as a surprise to me,” you were shocked that she was just going to brush it all aside like it was common knowledge. 

“Narcissa and I always wondered when this would happen,” she replied, nonchalantly. 

“Mum! Again, what?!”

“Love, I don’t know what else you want me to say,” she offered. 

“Ughhh,” you groaned, burying your head into a pillow. 

“It’s just, the two of you have always cared for each other in such a special way; much more tender and loving than I’ve ever seen between only friends,” she explained. “The only thing that really surprises me is that it’s taken this long for you to realize it.”

“You’re not helping, Mum,” you rolled my eyes. “What do I do now?”

“Well, what is it that you want to do?” 

“I don’t know exactly,” you began. “I mean, things just started to be normal between us again. I don’t want to mess that up. You know how much I’ve missed him. And he’s going through a lot, with his father and all, so I don’t want to make things more complicated.” 

“You’ve always been such a giver, Y/N, that sometimes I think you forget that it’s okay to take some for yourself. Don’t forget that you deserve to be happy, too,” she advised. 

“It just feels too complicated. I’m still trying to figure things out, too. It just doesn’t feel like the right time, you know, to tell him how I feel.”

“It’ll never be the right time, darling. That’s how love is,” she countered. She got up from the couch and took the now empty mug from your hands and lowered herself to place a kiss on your forehead before she moved into the kitchen.

You let out a deep sigh and sunk deeper into the couch. Maybe she was right. But so much was on the line. If you told him how you felt now, it would change your dynamic forever -- either one way or the other. On top of that, you doubted he even felt the same way. He was the Slytherin Prince for starters and you knew that the other Slytherin girls fell at his feet, hanging onto every word he said. You saw how they stared at him in class and ogled at him in the hallways. Why would he ever love me when he could have literally anyone else? Draco was always so charming and charismatic, even if he was insufferable sometimes. 

You also didn’t think you could live with the embarrassment if he didn’t feel the same way. Your thoughts got darker and darker the longer you sat there. You stared into the fire until, eventually, you let the warmth of the room pull you into a deep, dreamless slumber. 

***

A few days later, as you entered the house from a midday stroll into town, your mother called out to you from the kitchen. 

“An owl came for you while you were gone,” she hollered. You peeled off your jacket and snow boots and made your way to the kitchen. In the middle of the counter, there was a neatly folded piece of parchment laying there. You picked it up, opened it, and read:

Y/N - It’s New Year’s Eve and it wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t spend it together. I’ll be ‘round this evening to see you. Yours, Draco. 

The day went by slowly after, but the letter filled you with a giddiness that even your mother couldn’t ignore. Your mother and you ate your last meal of the year together and she turned in pretty early, never one for the New Year’s festivities. She once explained to you that she believed it to be only a dreadful reminder of the passage of time, so she refused to celebrate it. She retreated to her room upstairs as you lit the fire in the living room and sat on the couch with the company of one of your father’s old Muggle books. 

Around 10 o’clock, you heard a soft knock on the front door and you slapped the book shut, quickly tossing it aside. You swung the door open and Draco stood on the porch dressed head to toe in the color that suited him so well, making him simultaneously blend in with the night, but stand out from the snow. A huge grin spread across his face and before you knew what you were doing you threw your arms around him and pulled him into a tight squeeze. 

“It’s good to see you too, Y/N,” he chuckled as you pulled away from him. 

“Come in!” You exclaimed with an eagerness in your voice. 

“I hope this is okay, me being here,” he said and shimmied out of his jacket.

“You’ve been here more times that I can count. Of course it’s okay.” 

“My mother's been in a bit of a state since father’s been gone, so my house isn’t quite as jovial as it usually is this time of the year,” he explained, and you could hear the sadness in his voice. You both walked over to the couch and sat down. 

“The Malfoy’s New Year party was always my favorite event of the year,” you said. “But I do hope your mum’s hanging in there.”

“She’s definitely better now that I’m home for the holidays. I don’t know what she’d have done if she had to spend it alone,” he admitted. 

“I’m glad to hear that, though I do miss having you around all the time,” you said with a small smile, catching Draco’s eye before he gazed into the fire. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” you admitted. “New Years really wouldn’t be the same without spending it with you.”

“Yeah, in all of our years, I don’t think we’ve ever spent one apart. Isn’t that crazy?” he pondered.

“It is,” you replied. 

“Although, I do think we should begin a new tradition this year,” Draco said with a mischievous look in his eye. 

With curiosity, you asked, “What do you have in mind?” 

He got up from the couch and walked over to the coat rack where his jacket was hanging. He fished around in one of the pockets for a few seconds before he pulled his wand out. And before you could object to him using magic outside of school grounds, he said the spell, “Accio champagne!” 

“Draco! You could get in trouble!” 

He popped the bottle after it appeared and with a smile said, “It’d be worth it.” 

You shook your head and smiled, then grabbed a few glasses from the kitchen. You sat back on the couch and talked and laughed, occasionally shushing each other in the fear that you were being too loud and you’d wake up your mother. As the two of you worked through the bottle, you felt a warmth and dizziness spread through you -- surely a product of the alcohol. 

“Oh no! What time is it? Did we miss it?” You exclaimed in a panicked voice, words slightly slurred. You crossed your legs on the couch and turned your body to face him. 

Draco rolled up his sleeve just enough to expose his watch. “We’re right on time. Just a few minutes ‘til midnight.” 

“Let me see,” you said, words slurred, and grabbed his wrist. You looked at the watch intensely, trying to focus on the blurry numbers, and watched as the hands crept closer to twelve. 

“Five… four… three…” You counted down. “Two… one! Happy New Year Year!” You peeled your eyes from the watch and gazed up to find him smiling down at you. 

“Happy New Year, Y/N,” Draco said, his voice soft. Even in your drunken state you could have sworn you saw his eyes flicker momentarily from your eyes to your lips. 

If you had been sober, though, you would have noticed that his eyes definitely did just that, and you would have realized how close you were sitting. You would have also realized that the smell of his cologne was intoxicating you even more than you already were. Lastly, you would have realized that your hand was still holding his. 

Too drunk to think of the consequences, you leaned closer into him and intended on pressing your lips to his. At the last second, Draco shifted and you fell into his shoulder. 

“Why did you moooove?” You whined into his neck, but soon fell into a fit of drunken laughter. “I was going to give you a New Years kiss! It’s a Muggle tradition, but you surely know about it, right?” 

“I can’t let you do that,” Draco said in a low voice, peeling you off of him. “Not like this.”

“Oh, so you want to kiss me too?” You asked. 

At that comment, Draco’s face turned bright red. Of course he wanted to kiss you. It was all he could think about. It was all he had thought about for months -- years even. But kissing you in the state you were in right now wouldn’t feel right even if Draco was nearly as drunk as you were. 

“You’re way too drunk, Y/N. You’re gonna forget all about this in the morning, but right now we need to get you to bed.” Draco slowly stood up, trying to gain his own balance before helping you off the couch. You clutched onto his arms as he pulled you up. Draco led you up the stairs to your room, careful to not make too much noise. He helped you settle into your bed and pulled the covers over you. 

“Get some rest, Y/N. You’ll thank me in the morning,” he whispered as he pushed the hair back from your face. You gazed up at him, eyelids heavy and a soft smile pasted onto your face. “Good night,” he whispered and placed a tender kiss on your forehead. 

You were fast to fall asleep. As Draco quietly closed the door behind him, he took one last look at you sleeping peacefully and muttered the three words that had been on his mind for years. The three words that he was too afraid to say in the daylight: “I love you.”

On his walk home, Draco reveled in warm feelings that nestled within him - both from the alcohol and from being in such close proximity to you all night. On top of that, the fact that you’d tried to kiss him made his heart soar. Was it possible that you felt the same for him? 

The giddiness quickly disappeared when he crossed the threshold of Malfoy Manor. He tried to slip in quietly, but his mother was still awake and sitting in the living room, clearly waiting for him to get home. 

“Draco,” Narcissa started calmly. “Where have you been?” 

“I, um,” Draco stuttered. “I was out.” 

“Were you with her?” she asked, her expression softening. 

Draco swallowed hard and nodded. Suddenly the air around him felt cold.

“You know you need to be careful, Draco. I know how you feel about her. If he found out… about her… about how much she means to you…” Narcissa trailed off. 

“I know, mother. I know that he’d use her against me,” Draco admitted and took a seat on the sofa next to his mother.

“I can’t ask you to stay away from her,” she said, and took one of Draco’s hands in the two of hers. “You’re only a child and the Dark Lord has already taken so much from you. It wouldn’t be right for me to ask you to give up the one person who brings a sense of normalcy into your life.” 

Draco nodded and wiped away the tears that begged to fall. His mother took his hands as she said, “Just promise me you’ll be careful, Draco. I love you so much. And I love Y/N, too. I don’t think I could stand to see anything bad happen to either of you.”

“I promise, mother,” Draco whispered. Narcissa smoothed back his hair and pulled him into a hug. Draco had thought before about the horrors that the Dark Lord could inflict on him, his family… on you, but the fear overwhelmed him now. He had tried to be strong for so long, but his mother was right. He let himself unravel in her embrace. 

***

The next day found you stuck in bed with a terrible hangover and, on top of that, you were reeling in absolute embarrassment. Once the haze over your drunken actions cleared, you realized what you’d done: you tried to kiss Draco. Even worse -- he rejected you. Stupid, stupid, stupid, you thought. How could I be so stupid! 

Draco probably wasn’t nearly as drunk as you so he knew what you’d tried to do. How were you going to face him again? This was going to be like the beginning of the semester all over again and you scolded yourself for putting a wedge between the two of you once again. First it was your temper, and now it’s your stupid heart overriding your brain. What is wrong with me, you thought. You groaned into your pillow and willed yourself to stop thinking about it. 

Maybe when you boarded the train back to Hogwarts, you’d see him and things would be normal, like nothing happened. Except that definitely did not happen. When you locked eyes with him, you just knew he remembered the whole fiasco. So instead of taking your place in the seat next to him, you avoided him the rest of the trip back and were right back to square one. 

*** 

Draco couldn’t stop thinking about what happened on New Year’s Eve, for better or for worse. Since you had tried to kiss him, did that mean that you liked him in the same way that he liked you? The thought of it overwhelmed him. He had always been so careful to avoid admitting his true feelings to you, in part because he could only dream that you felt an inkling of what he felt for you. How could someone as good -- truly so good -- as you have room in their heart for someone like him? 

However, now the stakes were even higher with Voldemort and the Death Eaters in the picture, and with him making progress on the Vanishing Cabinet that would soon provide such evils unrestricted access to the one place you were totally safe. He couldn’t selfishly put you in more danger by bringing you closer to him, even though he so badly wanted to. 

You were constantly on his mind. He also couldn’t get the image of you leaning in to kiss him out of his head. He was so full of longing for you that it consumed him. Not that it mattered though, because ever since the two of you returned to Hogwarts, you wouldn’t talk to him or even look at him. 

The new term started days ago and he still hadn’t been able to catch up with you long enough to get you to talk to him. After Potions classes, you were always the first person out of the classroom and gone from sight before Draco could gather his belongings quick enough. He looked for you in the library every evening, but never found you there either. 

Now Draco was sitting in the Great Hall for lunch, hunched over the table and his head resting in his palm. He was lost in thought when you walked in, your head down and clearly trying to avoid eye contact with him or anybody. Suddenly, with his eyes on you, he shot up from his seat and shouted your name. 

At that, your head snapped up and you caught his eye before turning on your heel and walking swiftly out of the Great Hall. Draco stepped out of his seat and quickly followed you, dodging other students as he tried to catch up with you. Just in time, he watched you turn a corner and walk into the courtyard outside. 

“Y/N! Y/N! Please wait! Why are you avoiding me? We have to talk!” Draco pleaded breathlessly. 

You kept walking, but Draco started into a jog and grabbed your wrist, “Please.” You whipped around to face him and crossed your arms. 

“Okay fine!” You yelled. “I embarrassed myself and now I’m terrified that I’ve ruined everything. Is that what you want to hear?” 

“What are you embarrassed about? Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?” 

“I was drunk and I tried to kiss you and you rejected me! That’s why I’m embarrassed!” 

Oh. “I didn’t reject you Y/N,” Draco replied, his brow furrowed. 

“Yes, you did! I know I was drunk, but I remember now. You dodged me when I tried to kiss you!” 

“Yeah, but it was a rejection. You were in a total state! I couldn’t let you kiss me like that; it wouldn’t have been right,” he argued. 

Draco wanted to kiss you in that moment, more than he had ever wanted anything. He wanted to kiss you to prove to you that he wasn’t rejecting you. He could never reject someone who was all he ever wanted; who he loved and cared for more than anything. But at the same time, he thought about his Death Eater status and the impossible task that stood before him and felt the deep hatred that he felt for himself rise again. Kissing you would reverse every move he’s made to protect you from the Dark Lord’s line of sight. The strife he felt made it difficult to look at you in the eyes. 

“Do you still want that, though? Do you still want to kiss me?” Draco asked tenderly, searching your face for a single sign that you felt the same. 

“I don’t know.” He watched you closely as you considered the question. Then your nose crinkled and a smirk formed on your lips. “I guess it would have been weird if we did, wouldn’t it?” 

“Yeah, super weird,” Draco responded and uttered a half-hearted chuckle. 

“Can we just forget about it then?” You asked. 

“Sure,” Draco forced a smile, but could feel his heart shattering into a million little pieces. “It never happened.” 

“Okay, good. I’m sorry for avoiding you,” you offered. “And, uh, I don’t think I’ve gotten the chance to thank you for making sure I got to bed that night. So, thank you.” 

“It’s no problem,” Draco replied. “Shall we go get some lunch then? It’s been a while since I’ve had the joy of poking fun at your eating habits.” 

“Hey! Putting crisps in your sandwich is a perfectly normal thing that many people do, I’m sure!” You argued. Draco shook his head and smiled, and the two of you fell into step with each other like you always did.


	4. PART 4

In the fallout of the almost-kiss on New Years Eve, you forced yourself to try to push the feelings you possessed for Draco aside. The more you thought about it, the more that acting on your feelings that threatened to change your friendship forever absolutely terrified you. On top of that, you still didn’t fully understand those feelings and you’d hate to drive another needless blockade between the two of you in the name of impulsivity. So instead, you told him to forget about it. Maybe it didn’t make total sense for you to keep things as they were since you observed nearly everyone getting into relationships left and right around you, finding solace from the wintry cold in the warm arms of a lover. But after months of complications between you and Draco, you knew you could find just as much comfort as his friend, so the two of you fell back into your age-old routine of walking each other to class, studying together in the library, and spending those chilly nights stargazing at the top of the Astronomy Tower. 

When the snow started melting and the days began growing longer and warmer, the grey skies turned to blue, and the natural world around you gave birth to new life, the pair of you spent every moment you could outside, roaming the castle grounds together. You often found yourselves spending a lazy Saturday on a blanket in a quiet spot next to the lake on particularly sunny days. When Draco was buried in a book or allowing himself to doze off in the warmth of the sun, you allowed yourself to take tiny peeks at him to admire how the sun radiated off of his skin. Just like the buds that blossomed around you, you felt something else flower within you that you swore you’d cast aside. The caterpillars of love that quietly clung to the lining of your stomach all winter long now fluttered freely and happily around as butterflies with the season’s change. 

It was in these moments with you that Draco let his guard down and genuinely relaxed. Every now and then, though, you noticed that he acted a little off, but you couldn’t pinpoint in which ways. When he’d join you at dinner or meet you in the library, sometimes he’d have a disheveled air about him. Sometimes his hair would be out of place, which was rare for him, or his tie would be just the slightest bit loose. Every time you’d ask him if he was okay, he’d only brush it off with a quick, “I’m fine,” but you knew better than believe that. On occasion, you would ask yourself if there was something else going on with him that he wasn’t telling you about. 

Draco knew that you knew better than to believe his blatant lies. He often recalled the letter he received from you over the summer, thinking back to how you mentioned how frustrated you felt when he shut you out. Keeping his secret from you was slowly eating him away. He couldn’t bear the thought of dragging you through the line of fire; he knew you too well to think you’d stand idly aside. He also realized that he’d lose you eventually -- he could see no other way for you to remain friends after his work on the vanishing cabinet was done. He’d still have to keep you away in order to protect you from Voldemort, or you’d hate him too much to ever want to speak to him again.

Equally, he knew you’d be able to help him feel better if he told you; you’d say the right things and be able take his pain away, even for just a little bit. Either way, your time together had an expiration date. So Draco continued on the long, lonely road he was on and soaked up the happy moments he had left with you. 

*** 

It was late in the term, summer break on the horizon, as you sat in your typical spot next to your friends at lunch in the Great Hall. They were caught up in conversation about a Muggle book that had been circling around the common room when Draco walked into the room, a distressed look painted across his face. Your brow furled when you observed him turn pale as he made eye contact with Harry, turning on his heels and striding right back out. Shortly after, you watched Harry dash out after him, looking as if he was on some kind of mission. Immediately, you sensed that something wasn’t right; it was never good to have them in the same vicinity. You quickly shot up from your seat, leaving your friends and their conversation behind, and set out of the Great Hall to tail the both of them. You were nearly jogging as you made your way down the corridor and rounded a few corners before you saw Harry walk out of Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, breathless and with a bewildered look in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he muttered as he walked briskly past you before you could react. You barged into the bathroom to see Professor Snape towering over Draco’s limp, bleeding body laying in the middle of the flooded floor. 

“Draco!” You rushed over to him, heart stopping and tears filling your eyes. Snape was reciting an incantation as you kneeled beside Draco. You reached out with one hand and pushed the hair out of his face, while your other hand found his. Slowly, you watched the blood that stained his white collared shirt return to his body. 

“Help me get him to Madam Pomfrey, Miss Y/L/N,” Snape demanded. 

“Yes sir,” you said, desperate to do anything to help. You scrambled to your feet and helped Snape carry a weakened Draco to the hospital wing. You felt the stares of your classmates as you passed them on the way through the main corridor. You knew there were probably whispers, but you could barely register anything in the shock of what’s happened. You don’t even know, exactly, what has happened. You had no idea what was going on at all besides the fact that you’d just witnessed your best friend on the brink of death, bleeding out on a bathroom floor. You were well aware of the stormy history that existed between Draco and Harry, but you never thought it could end in bloodshed. 

Draco was nearly unconscious by the time the three of you made it to Madam Pomfrey, who swiftly took him in her care once she saw the state he was in. You were unsure of what to do with yourself, so you just stood off to the side biting your fingernails to try to calm yourself down while you tried to listen to Snape explain to her what happened to Draco. Snape spoke in a low, hushed voice so you couldn’t make out much of what he says except “curse” and “dark magic.” After her consultation with Snape, you watched as Madam Pomfrey applied to Draco’s wounds various healing elixirs and administered him some Draught of Sleep. 

Some time later, Madam Pomfrey approached you, a look of sympathy on her face. “He’s going to be alright,” she assured you. “He’s resting now, so you might want to head back to Ravenclaw Tower until he wakes.”

You shake your head no, fresh tears falling now. “Can I please stay with him?” 

“Sure, my dear. If that’s what you want,” she replied. You nodded your head yes, then walked across the room to Draco’s bed. You pulled up a chair beside him and reached out to take his hands in yours. As he laid there sleeping, you couldn’t help but admire the peacefulness that surrounded him despite the trauma that you’d just witnessed. Madam Pomfrey had changed him into clean, dry clothes that looked a little too big for him. The cuts across his face were slowly fading and his eyelashes were gently fanned out across his slightly rosy cheeks. His hair was a tousled mess -- a look on him you secretly liked the best -- but it was laid softly across the pillow. It was the calmest you’d seen him all year. Despite everything he’d been through today he looked as captivating as ever. You calmed yourself down and relaxed after a little while, eventually resting your head down on the bed beside him. For a while you watched his chest rise and fall until you drifted off to sleep, too. 

Early the next morning, you woke to the soft sounds of Draco weakly whispering your name. Slowly you opened your eyes to see soft light pouring into the room and your hands still clasped together with his. When you fully registered that Draco was also awake, you popped up from your hunched over sleeping position to find him gazing at you graciously from where he laid. 

“Draco,” his name gently falls from your lips and you feel breathless. You brought one hand up to his cheek, brushing the now smooth skin that was once red and bleeding the night before. 

He smiled weakly and asked, “What are you still doing here?” 

“I didn’t want you to wake up alone,” you confessed.

“You know you didn’t have to stay…” 

“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I was so scared, Draco,” you said. Draco doesn’t say anything in response. He let out a deep sigh and squeezed your hand. 

“What even happened in that bathroom?” You asked, desperate to know what had led to this.

“Harry and I were dueling --” Draco began. 

“Dueling?” You interrupted. “Merlin, Draco, what were the two of you thinking?!” 

“Listen, I’ll explain it all later,” he said, but you detected a hint of hesitation in his voice. “I’m still pretty tired.” 

“We can talk about it when you’re ready. I’m just so relieved that you’re okay,” you assured him. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you again.” 

Draco felt his heart simultaneously burst in chest with love and sink to the pit of his stomach with guilt. Noticing your fingers were still laced in his, he brought it up to his lips to place a kiss on the backside of your hand, “Thank you, Y/N.”

After everything you’ve done for him, Draco could have told you he loved you right in that moment. He wanted to tell you he loves you. But he couldn’t, for the same reason why he couldn’t the entire year. He had finished his work in the Room of Requirement, and he knew he would have to carry out his task for the Dark Lord not too long from now. The timer was ticking and the expiration date was approaching. 

Instead, he just smiled up at you as he reveled in your touch and tender gaze for just a little while longer, immersing himself in every moment he could. 

Later that day, you walked with Draco back to his room to make sure he got into bed to rest some more. “Madam Pomfrey asked me to make sure you take this, okay? You need all the rest you can get,” you said as you took out the sleeping potion from your robe’s pockets and placed it on his bedside table. 

“Y/N, I’m fine. I don’t think I really need it,” Draco protested, sitting down on the edge of his bed. You could see him visibly grimace from the pain that still lingered. 

“Draco!” You objected. 

“Fine, fine. I’ll drink it,” he said as he pulled at your wrist, and you lowered yourself to sit beside him. 

“You nearly died, Draco. Do you know how scary it was to see you laying there, bleeding out like that? I was terrified,” you confessed. 

Draco was quiet and wringing his hands in his lap when he said, “Thank you for being there for me. For staying, too.” 

“Of course, Draco. I’ll always be there for you, no matter what,” you said as a tear fell from the corner of your eye. 

“You’re too good to me, Y/N,” he said, tears beginning to form in his eyes, too. When you saw Draco laying on that bathroom floor with blood spilling out of him and you thought he was dying, you realized that you would live in regret for the rest of your life if you didn’t tell him how you felt. The words unsaid would haunt all of your what-ifs. So taking a deep breath, that’s exactly what you did. 

“I-I think I owe it to myself, and to you, to get this out,” you started, stammering and trying to figure out how to start. “You’re my best friend, you know that. You always have been, and you always will.” You could feel your heart beating fiercely against your chest and you thought that it would soon make a daring escape. “I’m not asking you to return these feelings and I’m not asking you to be anything more than what you’ve been to me, but… I love you, Draco.” 

You looked up to see Draco’s face inches from you. Your nerves were wracked, heart pulsing wildly, and you knew that if you tried to stand up right now, your legs wouldn’t allow it. “Will you please say something?” You whispered.

He lets out a chuckle, still in disbelief at hearing your confession, of the possibility of it, “You love me?”

You groaned as the realization hit you. “Oh, god. Oh, god! I’ve just made a complete fool out of myself, haven’t I? Have I?” you pleaded, then buried your face into your palms. 

Draco, laughed and pried your hands away from shielding your face. He brought your knuckles up to his lips and peppered them with soft kisses and watched your features soften at the gesture, the worry slowly fading from your face. 

“Y/N,” he started; there was no going back now. “I have loved you for years.” 

“Years, Draco?!” You exclaimed and playfully pushed his shoulder. “You arse! And you just made me sit here for thirty seconds thinking I’ve completely embarrassed myself?!” 

Even in the midst of your outburst, Draco couldn’t help but admire you. Your beauty, your temper, the way his name rolled off the tip of your tongue, the way you cared ceaselessly for him. He pushed aside the lingering sense of dread he felt since exchanging confessions and let the euphoria in for a change. 

Your eyes shamelessly drifted to his lips and the next thing you know he was leaning in dreadfully slow until he closed the space between you. Eyes closed, his lips brushed softly against yours, hesitantly. But then you leaned into it, kissing him back. Draco brought one hand to the back of your head and gently stroked your hair, pulling you into him. You brought your hands around his waist to bring him closer, careful not to press too hard. The two of you melted into each other and you lost track of where you started and he ended. It was absolutely electric, and something lit up inside of you that you’d never felt before. You and Draco, Draco and you. It felt like the entire universe was waiting for this moment. 

When you pulled away, the both of you were breathless, awestruck by what just happened. All the two of you can do is smile before his lips were on yours once again. He kissed you again and again until your lips were swollen, basking in the heaven of your soft touch for just a little bit longer before he forced himself to say goodbye to you, once and for all. 

“So,” you said, beaming up at him and clutching his hands in yours. 

“So,” Draco echoed, his eyes glued to yours as he rubbed soft circles on your palm with his thumb.

“You need your rest, and I need to go to the library. But when you wake up, come find me,” you smirked, stood up, gently letting go of his hands as you made your way to the exit. 

Draco watched you walk out and cast a soft, dreamy smile at the thought of you as he fell back onto his bed. When you closed the door behind you, Draco’s anxieties came rushing back to the forefront of his brain. The brief moment of calm he felt as he was embraced in your love dissipated the moment you crossed the threshold and left him alone. Guilt flooded every part of him. Soon, he’ll have done the deed, and when you find out what he’s done and who he’s been made to become, he’s certain that you’ll never want to see his face again. 

*** 

After you left Draco’s room, you felt like you were floating and the warmth of happiness spread throughout your body. You knew you were smiling like an idiot the entire walk across the castle, but you didn’t care who saw. You spent the day in the library trying to focus but the feeling of his lips dancing across your skin lingered and you couldn’t wait to be unraveled by his touch again. 

You didn’t know how long you’d been seated in the same spot, but since it was now dark, you figured it’d been a few hours at least. Your nose was buried deep in a book when you heard someone storm into the library and quickly approach the table you were sitting at. Looking up, you saw that it was Padma, who wore a worried expression on her face. “You have to come with me,” she said, “I’ll explain it on the way there, but something bad’s happened.” Without questioning her, you slammed your book shut and shoved your belongings into your bag. Soon the two of you were swiftly making your way through the castle corridors. 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” You asked, out of breath. 

“It’s Dumbledore,” Padma explained, voice cracking as she continued, “He’s d-dead.” Your eyes grew wide at the news and your jaw fell slack. “What? How?” Your voice wavered as you asked the questions, feeling your bottom lip begin to quiver. 

“I heard that he fell from the Astronomy Tower, but no one knows how,” Padma explained as she led you outside, where students from all houses were gathered. You took in the scene before you. There was an eerie silence in the air, and you could only hear the sniffles and sobs of other students. Dumbledore was dead? Somehow you had a feeling it wasn’t accidental. 

Overwhelmed by it all, you turned to Padma and said, “I’m really sorry, but I have to go. I have to see Draco.” Before she could respond, you were back inside of the castle and the tears came pouring out as you made your way to his room. You knocked a couple of times, but there was no answer. Suddenly, you heard the sound of footsteps passing behind you, and you felt relief for a moment until you realized it was only Pansy. 

“Where’s Draco?” You snapped, losing the composure you so badly wished to hold onto. 

“I don’t know,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “It wasn’t my turn to watch him.” 

“Do you ever know anything?” You groaned and stormed off back towards Draco’s room to try the door again. You jiggled the door knob and pushed the door open to find an empty bed and the stillness that filled the room. “Draco…” you called out. “Are you in here?” 

Nothing, silence. 

Where could he be? 

Not knowing what to do or where to go next, you made your way back to Ravenclaw Tower. As you walked through the common room, there were a few students sitting on the sofas stifling sobs and consoling each other. When you got to your dorm room, you sat on the edge of your bed, let out a deep sigh, and noticed an unassuming piece of parchment laying on your nightstand. It was folded neatly in half and your name was etched onto its surface. You reached out, picked it up, opened it, and read: 

"Dear Y/N, I need you to understand first that I don’t mean to hurt you -- I kept this from you because I couldn’t bear the thought of you despising me for what I’ve become. I wanted to protect you. I care too much about you to let him ever hurt you. 

Last summer, Voldemort forced me to take the Dark Mark after my father was thrown into Azkaban. As a sort of punishment for my father’s failures, he then tasked me to repair the vanishing cabinet in the Room of Requirement, let other Death Eaters into Hogwarts, and kill Dumbledore. I don’t want to do it, but you have to understand that he’ll kill me… he’ll kill my mother… anyone I love, if I don’t. I know I should’ve told you sooner, but I didn’t want you to be afraid of me. I didn’t want you to hate me because of it. 

I felt so miserable and lost before we made up last term, in part because of the weight of the task before me, but also at the thought that I’d lost my best friend; the one person I trust, the one person who truly knows me, the one person who has been by my side through everything. I knew it would have been easier to keep you away from me, but I missed you too much. And maybe kissing you was selfish, but I couldn’t help that either. At that moment, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. I love you more than anything. I love you to the Moon and to Saturn, across the entire universe. 

I don’t know what’s going to happen now, or when it will be over. I can’t tell you where I’ll be and you have to promise not to try to find me. Please know, Y/N, I will never let him hurt you. I promise you that. 

Forever yours, D.M. "

Anger coursed through you as you balled up the letter in your hands, fists clenching together in rage. How dare he leave you with only a letter as an explanation? The same exasperation you felt last year when your hasty words threatened to destroy the lifelong friendship you had with Draco materialized once again. He’d been shutting you out this year all the same, but right under your nose. 

You were mad at him, you were mad at yourself. You felt like a fool for giving him your heart just to be left sitting in the dark, alone and brokenhearted. Did he know how awful it felt to tell someone they loved them only for them to leave you with nothing but a measly piece of parchment? 

But you also felt hurt. It hurt to be lied to for months by someone you cared about. It was even worse to know that he thought he couldn’t tell you about the Dark Mark or what he’d been forced to do. Did your lifetime of friendship mean nothing to him? You could’ve helped him, just like you always did when he was faced with harsh words from his father or impossible expectations he was expected to live up to. There were a million things you wanted to scream at him. But he was gone. So all you could do now was cry. 

And just as Draco had predicted, your time was up.


	5. PART 5

In the aftermath of the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, your friends found you crumpled up and sobbing on the floor of your shared dorm room, a godforsaken mess of someone who’d loved and lost. They tried their best to console you as your chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, letting you know that it was Snape who killed Dumbledore, not Draco. But that didn’t change the anger and frustration you felt towards your best friend. You still felt betrayed by him. You didn’t care about his actions, you cared that he shut you out from this tumultuous time in his life; that he felt he couldn’t trust you to not leave his side as he battled his demons internal and external. How could he not have known that you would’ve been there? 

You were gone as soon as you were allowed to leave the castle grounds. Usually around this time of the year, you were making plans to visit your friends over the summer holiday, but now, for obvious reasons, you couldn’t wait to be home in the safe, warm embrace of your mother. You couldn’t stand to dawdle in the presence of such painful memories any longer. Just seeing a flash of green on a Slytherin robe donned by one of your classmates sent a flash of tense irritation through your body and you felt yourself nearly suffocate on your dejection. 

When you first arrived home, you cried into your mother’s shoulder and spent your days laying quietly on the couch, listening to the quiet tick of the clock on the wall and watching the condensation build up and slowly fall down the side of the glass of water on the coffee table in front of you. You didn’t have the energy to do much else besides silently replaying the last moments you and Draco shared in your head. You cursed his name again and again for making you feel such agonizing misery. But even through all the pain you felt, you still wish he had stayed. 

Your mother let you simmer in the rage and hurt you felt for a few weeks. As you were growing up she always stressed the importance of feeling your feelings fully, but she eventually saw that your wallowing was making you feel worse. So she decided to introduce you to a new hobby that she thought could help you cope and move past the resentment you felt. One warm, sunny day, she led you outside, where she handed you a pair of gloves and a small shovel. “Today,” she started. “I’m going to teach you the way my mother taught me to deal with all the bad things in life.” 

You didn’t protest her suggestion, only listening as she went on and led you into the garden behind your house. “When I feel overwhelmed, tending to these plants helps me focus my attention on something other than the problem,” she explained. “And I think it’s kind of special to give life to another thing, don’t you?” Her advice wasn’t exactly profound, but you found yourself thrown into the hobby. Most days you worked in the garden alone while your mother worked, but you loved the days that she joined you. Sometimes the two of you would just work alongside each other in silence, other times you’d chat about how big the tomatoes were growing or complain about new weeds you’d had to pull. 

“I think this is helping, Mum,” you said one day as you knelt in the dirt next to your mother. “You know, with how I’m feeling.”

“I’m glad to hear that, love,” she sent a smile your way and grabbed a seedling from her right, placing it neatly in the ground.

“I don’t like feeling this way,” you admitted suddenly, the words coming out of your mouth before you could stop them. “I don’t want to hate him.” 

Your mother considered what you just said for a moment, finishing covering the plant with dirt and patting the earth firmly. “I don’t think he did this to make you hate him. He did what he did because he cares about you, ” she offered. “The anger you feel doesn’t mean you hate him, Y/N. I think you feeling this way shows the opposite. It shows you care about him, too” 

You nodded silently in agreement and quietly said, “I hope so.” Maybe she’s right, you thought. Considering everything you shared with Draco--sixteen years of time spent and secrets shared--it struck you that perhaps your frustration was borne out of love you had for him and was masked in the anger that had you presently preoccupied. 

Your mother continued on, “While it might be hard for you to understand why, I don’t think he would have left you like that if he had a choice. This war is much larger than you or me. I know it hurts because strong feelings were involved, but I hope you realize how special it is to have someone who would go through that much--completely alone--to protect someone they love.” You felt your eyes begin to burn and your heart begin to ache as you absorbed her words. 

As the summer months went on, you started waking up with the birds, filling your lungs with fresh air and the calm that surrounded you and taking special care of the plants you were nurturing and all of the little creatures that came to visit. Your mother’s words rang in your ear again and again. You found yourself wondering what you would have done if you were in his place; if the fear of losing everything would have driven you to make the same decisions he had. Never coming to a clear consensus on the question you asked yourself day after day, you slowly came to understand how taxing it all must have been to Draco. From his mood changes and withdrawal from the things he loved, to his panic attacks last year, it all started to add up. As the days passed by, you could feel your anger subside. You didn’t know if it had totally disappeared, but it was no longer all-consuming. For the first time in while, you felt the pressure lift from your chest and your mind began to clear. 

A few weeks before you were set to go back to Hogwarts to begin your seventh year, your mother received a discreet letter from Narcissa, warning her about the changes in power at the school and advising her to consider keeping you home for the year. Your mother weighed on the contents of the letter for a few days before telling you, but when she confronted you about it, she made sure to lay it all out gently. She agreed with Narcissa; after all you’d gone through with Draco and all the time it’s taken you to begin to move on, your mother also thought it was best if you delayed the start of your final year at Hogwarts. 

She was shocked at your response when you agreed. “You’re not going to fight me on this?” She asked, an eyebrow raised.

While you felt weak for admitting it, you were scared, tired, and you didn’t think you were ready to see Draco again. A wave of relief washed over you at your mother’s suggestion. “No, mum. You’re right. It’s not safe,” you said, shaking your head. “I’m sure I won’t be the only student staying home this year.” Your mother pulled you in for a hug. Neither of you knew how the war was going to impact your world, but it brought you comfort knowing that whatever was to come, the two of you would be facing it together. 

***

After a summer of fearing each moment inside of his own home, Draco was holding on to the slightest bit of hope of seeing your face among the sea of students as he boarded the train at King’s Cross. He knew he didn’t deserve it after everything he put you through, but your presence, time and time again, had an effect on him like nothing else did. The familiarity of love and understanding that you radiated could patch the broken and battered boy right up again. 

But he never saw you because you never boarded the train. He never watched you say goodbye to your mother on the platform then merrily walk down the aisle and take a seat next to him, as you’d done for so many years before. He knew it was for the best that you weren’t on your way to the place that once offered protection but was now tainted by the ideology that has torn apart everything Draco once held happy in his heart. Nevertheless, his longing remained.

The months went by and Draco continued to be tugged apart at the seams as he abided by his father’s requests and reluctantly served the Dark Lord, out of an insurmountable fear but also knowing that doing so would continue to protect his family and you. Even though he’d asked you not to contact him, he was still surprised that hadn’t heard from you at all since he left you the letter. You were always so stubborn and he was sure that you would’ve tried to find a way. He didn’t want to admit to himself that not hearing from you meant that you wanted nothing to do with him, even though he knew it was probably what he deserved. He kept the letter you wrote him buried deep in his pockets, close to him, at all times. The words you wrote him so many months ago reminded him that at one time, you longed for him too, and he could only hope you still felt the same. 

***

Spring time came as soon as you knew it. You found ways to fill your time in the garden, where your plants were growing tall and strong. You’d occasionally skim through an old textbook or two to make sure you weren’t getting rusty on spells, or charms, or potions, and also made sure to keep up with your other subjects, particularly herbology, which you found yourself drawn to the more you worked among the plants in your garden as you observed the natural magic the plants held. It was a subject that you never had much interest in before, but as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

Speaking of absence and hearts and fondness, you thought of Draco from time to time. Missing him came in waves, as did the longing for the familiarity of his presence and friendship, his touch and love. No matter what happened you knew that you would always care for him; he invariably occupied a significant place in your heart. You hoped he was safe from harm, but there was no way of knowing for sure. Your mother warned you early on about sending an owl with personal letters to Hogwarts now that the Death Eaters were in control. So even though you wished you could talk to him, you knew you couldn’t. But maybe it would have been harder being apart if you had a way of talking to him; maybe you were better off this way.

It was nearing sunset one day in early May and you were getting ready to head inside for the evening. You’d spent the afternoon pruning your plants and harvesting some herbs; the only thoughts on your mind were what you were having for dinner and how beautiful the sky looked as the setting sun painted it in golden hues of orange and red. You began to gather your belongings when you heard the sound of someone apparating behind you. You whipped around and locked eyes with the person who occupied the place of disdain and longing and absence in your heart. 

Seeing Draco appear in front of you made the calming essence of the garden you stood in fade in an instant. The feelings you pushed aside so many months ago only laid dormant inside of you; now they threatened to bubble to the top. 

“Y/N, I--” he began to say, voice wavering with nervousness. But you cut him off. Indignation flowed through your entire body in an all too familiar way as you interrupted him to ask the one question that had been weighing on your mind the entire time you’d been apart: “Why didn’t you tell me?” You seethed. “Why didn’t you tell me about any of it, Draco?” 

“I was trying to protect you.” 

“I get that!” You erupted, letting your anger envelop you in an embrace like it was an old friend. “But that doesn’t explain why you thought you should hide something like that from me. We’ve always told each other everything. I trusted you! Do you know how much it hurts to find out you’ve been lied to for months by someone you care about? Do you know how shitty it feels to tell someone you love them only for them to disappear?” Your voice grew more strained with each question. You choked back your tears as you quietly asked, finally, “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I’d want to help protect you, too?” 

“I-I thought you’d never talk to me again, never want to see me again. I thought you would hate me. You mean too much to me, Y/N. I was afraid you would see me the way I saw myself: a monster, someone who wasn’t worth loving,” Draco’s voice croaked as he spoke the last sentence.

“You’re not a monster or a bad person because of what You-Know-Who has made you do,” you said as you began to walk away. “Why are you even here, Draco?” The words that just spilled from your mouth were biting, but you couldn’t help yourself; the pain you thought you’d forgotten had too strong of a hold on you. 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” Draco said as he fell into a jog to catch up with you, tears visibly gathered at the base of his eyelids begging to fall. “But please, Y/N, can’t you see that I’m trying here?” he pleaded. “I regret it all. I didn’t want to lose you; I wish I could change how things ended.” 

“I’ve said all I needed to,” your eyes narrowed. You wanted to wade around in the anger that had resided in you for a little bit longer, but the pleading look on his face made you soften. 

“I’m sorry,” he confessed. “I’m so sorry. And you deserve better than me, than what I’ve done to you. But I need you, Y/N.” At that, you snapped your head up and locked eyes with him, slowly starting to feel yourself being pulled back in his direction, stopping when you were a mere few feet apart. Draco cast a sorrowful look down at you, searching your face for any sign of forgiveness, any sign that you still cared for him as much as he cared for you. The longer you stood in front of the boy you had always held so much love for, the more it dawned on you that Draco wasn’t to blame. It was the callous sadism of the monster who drove the two of you apart, forcing the boy into the place of his father to reluctantly serve a cause you knew he didn’t believe in. Slowly you reached out to hold his hand, interlocking your fingers with his, his touch waking the remainder of the comatose feelings you had for him and sending a jolt of electricity through your veins. 

Draco let out the breath he was holding in then shifted, digging deep into his pocket with his free hand. “Do you remember this?” He asked, presenting a folded piece of parchment that looked like it had seen better days. You turned it over in your hands and saw Draco’s name written across the fold in your handwriting. It couldn’t be… could it? 

You carefully unfolded it and your eyes landed on the words you wrote two summers ago. “Where did you get this?” You asked him. 

“Your owl delivered it that summer; the one after our fight in fifth year,” he explained. “In it, you wrote, ‘I think a little part of me will always wish it was you next to me.’ Do you remember that?” He asked, and watched you nod your head yes, though you were also silently cursing your stupid owl for delivering the letter that you meant to set flame to. But of course you remembered it. It was the thought that lingered in the back of your mind the whole time you were apart. Nothing felt like home more than he did. 

“Those words, your words,” he started. “They are the only thing that have kept me going, this whole time. I held onto hope that you meant what you said when you wrote that. It was all I had.” 

“I meant it,” you whispered, humbled at his declaration. Your eyes found his, full of heartache and despondency, and all of the animosity you once held for him, all that he put you through, crumbled away. In one swift motion, you wrapped your arms around his neck in a tight embrace. Immediately, you were swept up in the warmth of his arms that you longed to be held by for so many months. 

“I hate that we were apart for so long,” You mumbled into his neck. “But I understand why.”

Pulling away from your hug briefly, Draco’s eyes searched yours, which now spoke the words of forgiveness for you. His lips met yours as he pulled you dangerously close to him. This kiss was nothing like your first; now it was full of urgency and desperation, hunger and longing. 

When you pulled apart, the two of you remained in each other’s embrace. Now that he was back in your arms, you never wanted to let him go and Draco scattered soft kisses along your forehead as he held you close, feeling the exact same way you did. 

Smiling up at him, you said softly, “Stay, please.” 

“I want to,” Draco said as he tucked your hair behind your ear. “I wish I could, but I have to get to Hogwarts,” worry filled his voice.

“Why?” Your brow was furled, confusion splattered across your face. “What’s going on?” 

Draco let out a deep sigh and tugged at his collar. “It’s Voldemort. He’s coming. For Harry. ” 

Eyes growing wide, you knew what you needed to do. “Draco, I know what you’re going to say, but I don’t want to lose you again.” You ran your hands up and down his arms before you said, “I’m going with you.” 

Draco cupped your cheeks with his hands and nodded in agreement. He wasn’t going to try to argue with you on this; he’d never win, he knew it. Instead he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, savoring the last moment of peace you had together before you were met with the chaos that awaited you. 

*** 

You couldn’t make sense of everything you saw when you arrived at Hogwarts with Draco. The madness and violence and destruction that surrounded you as you watched everything around you fall to pieces at the hands of Death Eaters was too much to bear. But you fought. Side by side with Draco, you fought until the end. An understanding of the enormity of the war and everything Draco was forced to do dawned on you. You couldn’t forget the months of hurt you endured, but Draco’s reasoning became crystal clear to you; love and care and protection shining through his actions. After what felt like hours deflecting spells, curses, and hexes, the Malfoys found an out. So in a final act of defiance against the monster who kept them in constant fear under his sadistic judgment, you walked with the family across the bridge, swiftly away from the dilapidated castle and into a new chapter of healing and recovery. 

Draco had to constantly remind himself that the war was over, that he didn’t have to run; that everything he loved would never be threatened again. The fear still crept in, no matter how much time had passed. It showed up in different ways: nightmares, tear-stained shirts, panic attacks. But through it all, you were there to offer a wave of calm that he couldn’t find elsewhere. It was the same comfort he’d found his whole life; the same solace you offered time and time again when you noticed how his father’s words hurt him or when the expectations that surrounded his name became too much. Draco often thought about how much he worried about telling you the truth about what he’d been forced to become, but seeing how you cared, sticking by his side no matter how ugly it got, made him realize how foolish he was. 

Many days found the two of you cuddled up in each other’s arms in the comfort of your room, a place that Draco now spent most of his time since his own home still echoed with the trepidation of the war. Sometimes someone would talk while the other listened, but the two of you mostly were engulfed in each other’s warm embrace in a silence that came when only two people understood each other. The balance that the two of you had always operated so well within was on display once again: you were the fire that kept his heart warm when the memories of the death and destruction came flooding back to him; the gentleness that he displayed around you kept you grounded. You drew stars around his scars and he placed a plethora of tender kisses to the top of your head, both little reminders of the love you shared that only continued to grow. 

Between your quick temper and the demons that Draco fought, perhaps the two of you would never give each other peace. But maybe the peace you found in your room, in your bed, in his arms was enough. The two of you had made it through fights, disagreements, long periods without talking to each other, and an entire war, but you still found a way to make it back into the other’s arms. You weren’t sure when either of you would feel normal again, but you didn’t mind not knowing as long as Draco was by your side from here on out.

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this fic a few months ago when I was watching the Half Blood Prince a bit too often haha. I got side tracked due to school starting, but I'm finally getting around to working on it again! it’s largely inspired by lyrics from taylor swift’s “folklore” because I simply cannot get enough of that masterpiece<3!! Anyway, this will be a multi-part fic, and I hope you enjoy reading it !! I’ll be updating this with a new chapter every few days, so be on the look out! : )


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